Sunday, October 17, 2010

Pregnant and Confused


I got pregnant and I still had 3 semesters to go before I completed my MBA. We didn't plan to have a baby right away but we had decided not to wait longer cuz I was afraid that we would not even have any kid at all if we waited longer.

I did not read any book on pregnancy and did not expect something bad could happen. At first I felt tired so easily...trudging in knee-deep snow gave me shortness of breath...I never had had this before...but I did not expect anything...

Then, everything smell bad to me, even the smell of my husband made me sick...I started to have morning sickness during my visit to Amarillo where we had a tamrin for the Midwest region. This morning sickness went from bad to worst...I vomited more than 30 times per day...even when I woke up during the night, I will vomit...A drink of plain water made me sick...I had to endure this for two months. I didn't have any energy to stay awake and I missed classes for two whole months...but I still got the highest mark in my class for the final exam in Managerial Economics...hehe..

But the worst feeling was I get too emotional, will cry even at the slightest stimuli...I didn't understand this at all...I was feeling bad and sad and hurt during my pregnancy...I was emotionally unstable...After the first trimester, I could eat saltines and drink Gatorade...but I had morning and night sickness for the rest of 36 weeks of pregnancy...This made me think of my mother...I now understood a glimpse of difficulties that my mom had to endure to carry me for 40 weeks...Ya Allah, forgive my mom and give her your compassion and mercy as she gave me her compassion and mercy...

During my first pregnancy, I found out that I am a carrier of hepatitis B virus...this could be very dangerous to my unborn child. Dr Boyd assured me that my child would be ok if he/she got vaccinated right after birth.

Lessons learned from my first pregnancy

1. read as much as we can on pregnancy
2. be prepared to expect the worst
3. husband, please give emotional and moral support
4. husband also must read on pregnancy and how it changes women's physics and emotion and spirit
5. always remember our own mother, how she had to endure difficulties after difficulties to bring us to this world
6. do a lot of prayer, zikr, and read the Qur'an

My husband tried to help ease my difficulties...he would wash my vomit with his bare hands...I really salute you for this, my beloved hubby...nobody that I know could scoop his wife's vomit with his bare hands...but I wish he could understand my feelings, my mood swings, my nauseas, my tiredness, my severe back pain and I wish he would understand how difficult it was to carry about 10kg of weight without having the option to put it down if we were too tired to lug it around...

My beloved husband...I know you had tried to were very patient with me... even though you didn't understand my emotion and mood swings but you had tried to accommodate everything that I had spoiled me rotten...thank you and I love you for that...

Wa Allahu a'lam

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