Sunday, October 17, 2010

Parenting Part 2: Sleeping with A Stranger

The story continues...

It is recommended that a man should meet his future wife...In my case, we had planned to meet but time did not allow us to do that.

I had trusted my naqibah's assurance that he was a good Muslim and a perfect match for me. From his small picture, I thought that he looked ok...pleasing to the eyes.

Even though we had never met, we had decided to get married few months after we were matched by our mutual friends. I was happy but nervous at the same time...

On a fine thanksgiving day, we were solemnized as husband and wife at Portales Islamic Center by brother Abdullah al-Mohanna with mahr of 1 set of Tafhimul Qur'an by Maududi. My wedding had cost me USD30.00...the money that I spent to buy fabrics to make my own wedding gown. The wedding reception was sponsored by an Arab brother. My husband gave me a diamond ring and a pearl necklace as wedding presents. After the solemnization process had done, I met my husband for the first time...he was rather good looking and had a pleasant smile.

That night I slept with a total stranger...a person who I knew only his name. Even though we had never met, I felt that I had known my husband for years...right after I saw my husband for the first time, I had the strangest feeling of deep love for him...the feeling that I had never had just minutes before the akad. We spent three days and nights know each other since we got married when I had my monthly cycle. After he left for his university, I had missed him so much and I never had experienced this feeling before...missing a guy who I knew for only 3 days...and of course after that our phone bill was more than our food bill. I would rather not eat than not talking to my husband everyday for hours...

Indeed, the feeling of love is from Allah and we have no control over it. I have been blessed with the beautiful feeling...and I felt I truly understood the Qur'anic verse below.

"Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri-isteri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya di antaramu rasa kasih dan sayang. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berpikir." (ar-Rum:21)

My lived experience sound so perfect, so ideal...a match made in Islamic and a ticket for happy and successful marriage...but experience informed me that love after marriage is not necessarily the main ingredient for happy marriage...happy marriage requires hard work, a lot of giving and high tolerance between husband and wife.

Many of my friends got married this way and quite a number of them ended with messy divorce...Many of my friends had fallen in love before marriage and they live happily as husband and wife until now...we must understand that we, human, have no control over our is God given gift...and it is not wrong to fall in love before marriage...what is wrong is not the feeling but the behavior that some of young people could not control...we must keep in mind that true love should not bring us closer to the hell fire...but should save us from it instead.

This was the beginning of my parenting responsibilities...I had chosen a good partner with Allah's guidance...inshaAllah.

Wa Allahu a'lam

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