Betulkah orang kahwin muda itu kerana nafsu?

ﺒﺴﻡﺍﻠﻠﻪﺍﻠﺭﻤﻥﺍﻠﺭﺤﻴﻡ

Masa lapang ummi diisi dengan menziarahi blog anak-anak ummi dan kenalan mereka. Anak-anak muda ini kadang-kadang bila bercakap tidak berhati-hati dan tanpa common sense atau kurang berfikir. Ummi begitu terkilan dengan statement atau claim yang dibuat oleh salah seorang kawan kepada kawan anak ummi. Pernyataannya berbunyi berikut:

"awak, dalam umur2 kita yg macam ni, berbicara tentang 'kawen' sebenarnya semata2 atas dasar NAFSU dan bukan dgn niat n dasar utk melengkapkan separuh dr tuntutan agama kita !"

Kenapa ummi terkilan? Apa yang tak kena dengan statement di atas? Anak yang membuat kenyataan tersebut telah membuat "sweeping statement" atau "over generalization". Mari kita analisa kenyataan tersebut sebelum ummi cerita kenapa ummi terkilan.

1. perkataan 'SEBENARNYA' sangat bahaya di sini kerana ia conveys (apa perkataan BM yang sesuai?) bahawa kenyataan ini adalah benar belaka tanpa ada keraguan sedikit pun. Kenapa pernyataan ini jadi salah?...kerana tiada bukti kukuh atau dalil yang disertakan untuk membenarkannya.

2. membuat over generalization. Ini bermakna dia telah, tanpa sedar atau tidak, menuduh bahawa orang yang berbicara tentang perkahwinan pada usia yang muda semuanya adalah kerana nafsu semata-mata. Anak ini hanya boleh bercakap untuk dirinya seorang sahaja kecualilah dia telah membuat satu kajian keatas semua orang yang berkahwin muda dan semua orang yang berbicara tentang kahwin diusia muda; dan dia 95% confidence that dia tak membuat kesilapan dalam generalization yang telah dibuatnya.

3. apabila kita membuka mulut kita untuk berbicara, maka kita telah mendedahkan kepada umum tahap pemikiran dan pandangan alam (world view) kita. Kita memahami sesuatu perkara berdasarkan konsep-konsep yang wujud di dalam pemikiran kita...kalau dalam minda kita kurang konsep atau kurang Ilmu, maka kita akan membuat rumusan yang kurang tepat dan kurang dalam. Ummi tidak mahu mengulas panjang kerana orang yang bijaksana akan dapat memahami maksud ummi.

KENAPA UMMI TERKILAN?

Ummi dan beratus-ratus kawan ummi yang sangat bertuah kerana dapat menjadi audience kepada talks by Fathi Yakan, Mustafa Mashur, Zainab al-Ghazali, Tareq Suedan, dan lain-lain pemimpin ikhwan di dalam buangan telah berbicara tentang perkahwinan ketika usia 18-20 tahun. Mengikut anak yang membuat pernyataan di atas, kami berbicara atas dasar nafsu...BENARKAH? Jawapannya TIDAK...sebelum kami sampai ke negara orang kami telah melalui satu proses brain washing dan ummi dan kawan-kawan berjanji tidak akan kahwin semasa belajar. Tetapi setelah mengenal Islam dan belajar dalam mengenai keluarga Islam dan berbicara mengenai perkahwinan dalam study circle, kami mengambil keputusan untuk berkahwin dalam usia muda kerana untuk melengkapkan agama kami dan untuk keselamatan kami berada di bumi asing tanpa mahram...Ada kawan ummi dapat jodoh 6 bulan selepas menjijak kaki di bumi asing, ada yang berkahwin ketika berusia 19 tahun...DAN TIADA PERNAH KAMI KAITKAN KAHWIN DENGAN NAFSU...ini bukan sweeping generalization kerana kami bincang dalam usrah.

Ummi terkilan kerana ummi di tuduh berbicara tentang perkahwinan atas dasar nafsu kerana ummi berbicara ketika usia muda dan ummi bernikah ketika usia muda.

Anak yang membuat kenyataan di atas mesti memohon maaf kepada orang yang berbicara tentang perkahwinan di usia muda tetapi tidak pernah kaitkan dengan nafsu.

ANAK-ANAK, BERHATI-HATILAH KETIKA BERBICARA KERANA HASIL TUAIAN LIDAHLAH YANG MEMBAWA KITA KE NERAKA (MAKSUD HADITH)

wa Allahu a'lam

Betulkah Cinta Selepas Kahwin Menjamin Keluarga Bahagia?

ﺒﺴﻡﺍﻠﻠﻪﺍﻠﺭﻤﻥﺍﻠﺭﺤﻴﻡ

Kisah 1

Suami: Mah tahu abang pergi mana tadi?
Isteri: Tak tahu
Suami: Abang pergi dating dengan girlfriend abang kat...lepas makan kat restoran lima bintang, kami pergi menonton wayang...

Tersirap darah isteri mendengar pengakuan suaminya setiap kali suaminya keluar dating dengan teman wanitanya. Airmata isteri sudah kering dan sangsara hatinya telah memakan usianya. Suaminya adalah bekas pemimpin gerakan Islam di kampus.

Kisah 2

Isteri: Jangan tinggalkan kami bang...kesianlah kat 6 orang anak kita ni...saya kan tidak bekerja. Bagaimana saya nak menyara anak-anak kita ni bang.

Sang isteri merayu kepada suaminya sambil memeluk lutut suami. Tanpa mempedulikan anak-anak yang menangis melihat drama pergaduhan ibu dan ayah mereka, sang suami menendang isterinya dan terus keluar dari rumah bersama kekasih barunya. Suami ini adalah bekas pemimpin gerakan Islam kampus.

Kisah 3

Kawan A: Kenapa kau kat sini? mana suamimu
Kawan B: Satu hari aku bawa anak aku dan lari meninggalkan suami aku.
Kawan A: Kenapa????
Kawan B: Nama saja pemimpin Jamaah persaudaraan Islam terkemuka dunia tetapi perangainya Tuhan saja yang tahu...suami aku suka perempuan...

3 dari beratus-ratus kisah benar yang berlaku kepada kawan dan kenalan. Ummi hanya beri 3 contoh yang berlaku kepada kenalan ummi saja...ada banyak lagi sebenarnya perkahwinan yang berakhir dengan kegagalan. Ketiga-tiga kenalan ummi ini bercinta selepas berkahwin dan berkahwin melalui khidmat baitul Muslim ketika di kampus. Sepanjang mereka di kampus, hidup mereka bahagia...masalah bermula apabila mereka pulang ke Malaysia dan berdepan dengan realiti hidup di Malaysia yang tidak idealistik seperti kehidupan di kampus.

Kenapa ummi menceritakan semua ini? Sebab ummi rimas dengan 'statements' dan 'claims' dari anak-anak muda sekarang yang mengatakan cinta selepas berkahwin menjamin keluarga bahagia...satu pernyataan yang simplistik yang datang dari anak muda yang tidak ada pengalaman hidup berumahtangga. Betapa anak-anak ini akan kecewa apabila satu hari nanti mereka sedar bahawa cinta selepas kahwin bukanlah tiket dan jaminan keluarga bahagia.

Ini bukan bermakna ummi sokong 'coupling'. Yang haram tetap haram...ada perbezaan antara cinta, coupling dan zina.

bersambung....

Sami Yusuf - Healing

It’s so hard to explain
What I’m feeling
But I guess it’s ok
Cause I’ll keep believing
There’s something deep inside
Something that’s calling
It’s calling you and I
It’s taking us up high

Healing, a simple act of kindness brings such meaning
A smile can change a life let’s start believing
And feeling, let’s start healing

Heal and you will be healed
Break every border
Give and you will receive
It’s Nature’s order
There is a hidden force
Pulling us closer
It’s pulling you and I
It’s pulling us up high

Healing, a simple act of kindness brings such meaning
A Smile can change a life let’s start believing
And feeling, let’s start healing

Hearts in the hand of another heart and in God’s hand are all hearts
An eye takes care of another eye and from God’s eye nothing hides
Seek only to give and you’ll receive
So, heal and you will be healed

قلب بين يدي قلب و بيد الله كل قلب
عين ترعى عينا، وعين الله ترعى
كلمة طيبة صدقة
تبسمك لأخيك صدقه
كل معروف صدقة
اللهم اشف شفاءً لا يغادر سقماً

Song Name: “Healing”
Written and Produced: Sami Yusuf
Lyrics co-written: Dr. Walid Fataihi

My Birthday

ﺒﺴﻡﺍﻠﻠﻪﺍﻠﺭﻤﻥﺍﻠﺭﺤﻴﻡ

Today is my birthday (19th October).
A bouquet of flower from my beloved hubby













My youngest girl gave me these for my birthday...coool

Pregnant and Confused

ﺒﺴﻡﺍﻠﻠﻪﺍﻠﺭﻤﻥﺍﻠﺭﺤﻴﻡ

I got pregnant and I still had 3 semesters to go before I completed my MBA. We didn't plan to have a baby right away but we had decided not to wait longer cuz I was afraid that we would not even have any kid at all if we waited longer.

I did not read any book on pregnancy and did not expect something bad could happen. At first I felt tired so easily...trudging in knee-deep snow gave me shortness of breath...I never had had this before...but I did not expect anything...

Then, everything smell bad to me, even the smell of my husband made me sick...I started to have morning sickness during my visit to Amarillo where we had a tamrin for the Midwest region. This morning sickness went from bad to worst...I vomited more than 30 times per day...even when I woke up during the night, I will vomit...A drink of plain water made me sick...I had to endure this for two months. I didn't have any energy to stay awake and I missed classes for two whole months...but I still got the highest mark in my class for the final exam in Managerial Economics...hehe..

But the worst feeling was I get too emotional, will cry even at the slightest stimuli...I didn't understand this at all...I was feeling bad and sad and hurt during my pregnancy...I was emotionally unstable...After the first trimester, I could eat saltines and drink Gatorade...but I had morning and night sickness for the rest of 36 weeks of pregnancy...This made me think of my mother...I now understood a glimpse of difficulties that my mom had to endure to carry me for 40 weeks...Ya Allah, forgive my mom and give her your compassion and mercy as she gave me her compassion and mercy...

During my first pregnancy, I found out that I am a carrier of hepatitis B virus...this could be very dangerous to my unborn child. Dr Boyd assured me that my child would be ok if he/she got vaccinated right after birth.

Lessons learned from my first pregnancy

1. read as much as we can on pregnancy
2. be prepared to expect the worst
3. husband, please give emotional and moral support
4. husband also must read on pregnancy and how it changes women's physics and emotion and spirit
5. always remember our own mother, how she had to endure difficulties after difficulties to bring us to this world
6. do a lot of prayer, zikr, and read the Qur'an

My husband tried to help ease my difficulties...he would wash my vomit with his bare hands...I really salute you for this, my beloved hubby...nobody that I know could scoop his wife's vomit with his bare hands...but I wish he could understand my feelings, my mood swings, my nauseas, my tiredness, my severe back pain and I wish he would understand how difficult it was to carry about 10kg of weight without having the option to put it down if we were too tired to lug it around...

My beloved husband...I know you had tried to help...you were very patient with me... even though you didn't understand my emotion and mood swings but you had tried to accommodate everything that I needed...you had spoiled me rotten...thank you and I love you for that...

Wa Allahu a'lam

Parenting Part 2: Sleeping with A Stranger

The story continues...

It is recommended that a man should meet his future wife...In my case, we had planned to meet but time did not allow us to do that.

I had trusted my naqibah's assurance that he was a good Muslim and a perfect match for me. From his small picture, I thought that he looked ok...pleasing to the eyes.

Even though we had never met, we had decided to get married few months after we were matched by our mutual friends. I was happy but nervous at the same time...

On a fine thanksgiving day, we were solemnized as husband and wife at Portales Islamic Center by brother Abdullah al-Mohanna with mahr of 1 set of Tafhimul Qur'an by Maududi. My wedding had cost me USD30.00...the money that I spent to buy fabrics to make my own wedding gown. The wedding reception was sponsored by an Arab brother. My husband gave me a diamond ring and a pearl necklace as wedding presents. After the solemnization process had done, I met my husband for the first time...he was rather good looking and had a pleasant smile.

That night I slept with a total stranger...a person who I knew only his name. Even though we had never met, I felt that I had known my husband for years...right after I saw my husband for the first time, I had the strangest feeling of deep love for him...the feeling that I had never had just minutes before the akad. We spent three days and nights talking...to know each other since we got married when I had my monthly cycle. After he left for his university, I had missed him so much and I never had experienced this feeling before...missing a guy who I knew for only 3 days...and of course after that our phone bill was more than our food bill. I would rather not eat than not talking to my husband everyday for hours...

Indeed, the feeling of love is from Allah and we have no control over it. I have been blessed with the beautiful feeling...and I felt I truly understood the Qur'anic verse below.

"Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri-isteri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya di antaramu rasa kasih dan sayang. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berpikir." (ar-Rum:21)

My lived experience sound so perfect, so ideal...a match made in heaven...so Islamic and a ticket for happy and successful marriage...but experience informed me that love after marriage is not necessarily the main ingredient for happy marriage...happy marriage requires hard work, a lot of giving and high tolerance between husband and wife.

Many of my friends got married this way and quite a number of them ended with messy divorce...Many of my friends had fallen in love before marriage and they live happily as husband and wife until now...we must understand that we, human, have no control over our feeling...love is God given gift...and it is not wrong to fall in love before marriage...what is wrong is not the feeling but the behavior that some of young people could not control...we must keep in mind that true love should not bring us closer to the hell fire...but should save us from it instead.

This was the beginning of my parenting responsibilities...I had chosen a good partner with Allah's guidance...inshaAllah.

Wa Allahu a'lam

SMS to Sir Muhammad Iqbal

By: Prof Muhammad Kamal Hassan

O Iqbal!
The spring of 2002 beckoned my soul and body;
to witness the Muslim remains of Alhambra, Cordova and Sevilla,
to retrace your noble steps and feel the vibrations of your ectasy,
to feast my aging vision on the haunting grandeur of Alhambra and relish the marchless beauty of Moorish art…
I glided through the cold ruins,
searching for the secrets of the humiliating downfall of Al-Andalus…
The flowing fountains of Jannat’ul-Arif (Generalife) continue to narrate the melancholy of Muslim follies…
How, they succumbed to the same diseases which brought down the mighty Roman Empire
They wrote all over Al-Andalus “La-Ghaliba Illa’Llah”
(There is no vanquisher except Allah)
but they began to worship the mata ad-dunya (pleasures of the world)
and traded their souls for gold, glory, women and wine,
only to end like stray donkeys,
kicked around by the boots Ferdinand and Isabella
Today, pigeons nestle and make love in the ruins,
their droppings strewn all over the walls,
Western tourists pour out buses and planes,
frolicking in romance, obliterating all pains
while Muslim architectural glory continues to boost the coffers of Catholic Spain

I stood, O Iqbal,
on the hill of Alhambra,
“a stranger, gazing at things gone by, dreams of another age”.
O Iqbal!
Your dreams of Islamic renaissance are in tatters,
In your time the tyrant was Frankish colonization,
Today the Slave Master dons the cloak of globalization,
Piercing through the iron curtain, the bamboo curtain, the sahara and the tropical jungles carrying a civilization of McDonalds, KFC’s and Coca Colas,
While eight hundred million people languish in famine and squalor,
You predicted the collapse of godless and materialistic Europe,
But today she is more united and mightier than the Muslim world.

Today, O Iqbal!
The West is supreme and capitalism triumphantly arrogant,
Islam is the new enemy; in your time it was Bolshevism,
and today every Muslim is a potential terrorist,
You are either with the West or you are against it.
If you conform, the Slave Master’s mercy will descend upon you,
offering bread and dust and blankets
(lest you shiver in the thinderstorm of the New Alliance rage)
Today Musulman is languishing
in the trap of the New World Disorder,
a New Slavery in a Boardless Prison.

O Iqbal!
I wish you have heard the guns of Israel,
the cries from Deir Yassin, Shabra, Shatilla and Jenin,
the savage rimblings of Sharon’s tanks,
the merciless bull-dozers tearing into Palestinians homes,
the explosions of teenage suicide bombers,
the ruthless retaliations of Zionist terrorism
(no, no, no, you cannot call it a terrorist state!)

O Iqbal!
You would weep if you know that Pakistan is now bleeding,
Kashmir is bleeding, Chechnya is bleeding, Moroland is bleeding,
And Acheh is bleeding!
And Indian Muslims are burned alive!
A Muslim holocaust is in the making!
Do you know that you cannot call the Slave Master and his friends terrorists?
Only the victims who fight back are terrorists,
Never mind if the Zionist media terrorizes truth or Palestinians or Muslims.
Do you know that
Those who preach pluralism cannot give space to the Din of Islam?
Those who preach democracy in Europe cannot accomodate it in Indonesia, Algeria and Turkey lest would be liberated.

O Iqbal!
Do you know that Islam is to be tolerated by the New Slave Master only if it is Protestantized, Liberalized, Secularized or Westernized?
Only if it is confined to the mosque, to mysticism,
Only if it preaches that all religions are the same.

O Iqbal!
Have you heard what George Tenet said other day:
“The United States is mightier than the Roman Empire and Israel is our friend.”
If you want “peace” you have to lick our shoes,
or else you will be terrorized in the name of peace,
Or else, we will send the thugs and robbers to loot your banks
And they blame you
for “lack of transparency” and “poor corporate governance”.

O Iqbal!
Sixty four years after you returned to the mercy of Ar-Rahman
The world of the Musulman is still in disarray
As beggars, we wait for crumbs to fall from the Slave Master’s plate
Like hungry wolves, we bark and bite one another and plunge at one another’s throat in the name of Jihad
Killing more of our kind than the real enemy,
Kafirizing more than we can Islamize,
Monopolizing the Paradise of Al-Rahman to one’s own Jama’ah
While the Slave Master and his friends rejoice at the Muslim tragedy,acting their script.

O Iqbal!
Don’t turn in your grave if I tell you
that the Muslim world is the champion today in corruption and illiteracy
Or, that our rulers are among the smartest in deceiving the masses,
Having mastered the art from Machiavelli’s Prince.
Or, that some of our elites are the greatest drinkers of the wine of Kafirun,
intoxicated, they try to sell cheap versions of it in their stores,
beguiling the local youth as they deconstruct the blessed Zam-Zam to make it taste like beer and wine,
and succeeding in making the young worship celebrities as divine.
Or, that the Muslim Malay community excels in fitnah menfitnah
pouring the poison of hatred where love once stood.

O Iqbal!
Where is the ishq that used to drive you to divine ecstasy?
Where is the nur that illumines the heart and obliterates man’s egoism?
Where is the mahabbah and rahmah that forge the bonds of love and salam?
Where is the hidayah that destroys insincerity, hypocrisy and greed?
Where is the ‘ilm that elevates the soul to its True Master?
Where is the taqwa that imbues thought and action with righteosness?
Where is the bal-i-jibrail that will deliver us from this earthly misery?…
Can the Khairu Ummatin ever emerge from robots, rubbles and bubbles?

O Iqbal!
Behind this veil of melancholy, I see an array of hope,
In the places of today’s Pharaoh, many Moses are being born,
Out of the gospel of Trinity into the glad of Tawhid,
Among the ruins of Cordoba, I met Sister Tamara,
a blend of the tulip of the Occident and the rose of the Orient.
Many more Tamaras are blossoming
in the wasteland of modernity and post-modernism,
lighting candles in the dungeons and hedonism.
Many more Bilals are growing up in Harlem
to proclaim the rise of Isa, son of Maryam.
From the minarets of New York, London and Paris,
He will preach the true meaning of “La ilaha illa’Llah, Muhammad Rasulu’Llah”.
Yes, O Iqbal, the sun will rise in the West
As Musa (alaihi’s s-salam) rose in the palace of Firaun.

Muhammad Kamal Hassan
I.I.U.M. Gombak, 3rd July 2002.

Parenting: When does it begin?

Assalamualaikum

Parenting is an effort by parents or guardians to develop their children physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Since the aims of Islamic education are to communicate The Revelation, purify souls, to teach The Book and wisdom (al-Baqarah: 129; Ali-Imran: 164; al-Jumu'ah: 2), hence parents are responsible to ensure that these aims are achieved. Concisely, parenting is an endeavor made by parents to achieve the mentioned aims of Islamic education.


According to Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, parenting begins at the time of choosing one's spouse. What follows is the story of my effort to be a good parent.

Here it goes...

I was 20 years old and I was thinking that I will be an old maid if I didn't get married before the age of 22. I have read books on family structure in Islam, Keluarga dalam Islam, etc. and I felt I was ready to be a wife and mother. The next step was to find me a good husband and a good father to my yet to be born children. The opportunity came when 1 fine day, my naqibah popped the question, "who are ready and wanna get married?". Since I was shy to publicly declare my intention, I called her privately and told her that I was ready and needed her help to find me a husband.

I gave my naqibah a list of criteria that my future husband should have. Here were my criteria
1. understand Islam as a deen or a way of life and be a practicing Muslim
2. know and understand his responsibility as a husband according to Islamic teaching
3. know and understand wife's rights, needs, and responsibilities
4. ready and willing to work hand in hand in becoming 'abd and khalifah of Allah
5. collaborate together in building bait muslim
6. allow me to continue my study until PhD and would support my education and my thirst in seeking knowledge
7. would support and allow me to work in Islamic cause
8. the most important thing is to be able to accept my weaknesses and cooperate in building a family that tries to the best to follow Islamic teaching and to achieve the pleasure of Allah.

I believe without doubt the Qur'anic verse that says a good man is for a good woman. If I were a good Muslimah, then, I will get a good Muslim as a husband. What I needed to do was to always try my best to be a good Muslimah and to do everything only for the sake of Allah.

One day, my naqibah called me and told me that she had found a suitable guy for me...he was studying to be a chemical engineer in a university about 450 miles from my university. A few weeks later she gave me a letter written by the guy telling me about himself and his hope in the marriage. Enclosed with the letter was his very small picture... I could not see his face clearly. But his letter was reasonable and after seeking Allah's guidance, I accepted the guy as my future husband.

THE BIG QUESTION that arose at that time was, "how am I going to tell my parents?"

After I had built up my courage, I called my mom

Me: Hello mek...Assalamualaikum
Mom: Waalaikumussale
Me: Mek nga ayoh apo kaba?
Mom: sihat blako
Me: Mek, oghe nok ghoyak satu bendo...mek jange maroh deh?
Mom: ggapo? ghoyaklah, mek tok maroh...bakpo nak maroh nyah?
Me: Mek, oghe nok nikkoh
Mom: Nok nikkoh, nga sapo?
Me: Nga budok kalo luppo, namo dio bla...bla..bla...
Mom: Mek tak apo blako asa ke dio oghe berime sudoh lah
Me: Nati oghe suruh budok tu ata surat nga gambar dio ko ayoh...nok mitok ayah wat surat wakil wali untuk akad nikoh nati
Mom: hom lah
Me: pah tak apo deh? terimo kasih bbanyok sebab bui kebenare oghe nok nikkoh.

It sounds so easy but I was so nervous that my body was shaking and shivering. My father sent me surat wakil wali after my future husband sent a letter to him asking for my hand in marriage...NOTE THAT...I had not seen him face to face yet...

to be continued...

Assalamualaikum

Life goes on on a fast forward and many of my friends have been requesting tips on many things...parenting, thinking, wisdom, reading, doing research, SPSS, marriage, and even on how to look young...seriously no kidding here.

I guess it is about time I reflect back on my life and experiences and share them. May this sharing be of benefit to us all.